Whether your child is experimenting with drugs, recovering from an addiction or has never tried any drugs, it is essential for all parents to be able to speak to their children openly about substance use and misuse, as parents can have a positive influence on their children.

Common Questions for Parents

(Australian Drug Foundation Brochures, ‘How Drugs Affect You,’ 2000)
What should I do if my child is using drugs?

• Try to keep calm
• Obtain the facts
• Demonstrate your concern
• Choose the right moment to speak to them
• Recognise problems

How can I influence my child’s decisions about drugs?

• Be a good role model
• Be informed
• Listen then talk
• Set ground rules
• Get to know your child’s friends and their parents
• Look for alternatives to drug use

Common Parental Mistakes

Being aware of these common mistakes will allow you to re-consider how to approach the issue best. These are:

• Suspecting drug use when it is really something else
• Acting first and thinking later
• Clarifying the facts of the matter by invading privacy
• Not clarifying concerns
• Calling the police prematurely
• Referring the matter to a specialist counselor prematurely
• Assuming that drug use equals drug addiction
• Ignoring one’s own drug using behaviour when discussing drug use with adolescents
• Assuming that teenage drug use equals parental failure

The challenge for parents is to learn from these responses and respond more effectively in the future.

Approaching your Children about Substance Use

These responses will help you approach the subject more appropriately:

• Approach your children in a positive manner
• Keep in mind that the strategy of your choice should be aimed at strengthening your relationship
• Draw a plan and strategy initially about how you will approach them
• Do your homework: do research about drugs and show them that you are well informed on the subject, so as to avoid being judgemental
• Plan your time appropriately: When is the best time to talk to your child?
• Approach your children subtly, as if you don’t suspect drug use – otherwise they may become defensive
• Remain open and non-judgemental. The key is to listen and be supportive
• Remain calm and confident
• Remember: Don't blame yourself for their choices. It is entirely up to them to choose what they do. The best thing you can do as a parent is to advise them and be supportive.

The Talk – Substance Use

• Clarify the drug issue: Is it really drugs? Is it possible that you misunderstood a particular situation?
• Clarify your concerns with your children. What are your fears? If you are not sure what your real fears are, then your children will feel as if you do not understand them. By being clear such as “I fear for your safety. Please promise that if you are out and you’ve had too much to drink you will call me or you’ll ring a taxi”- you are making sure your child understands your specific points.
• Work out what you want to happen and what your objectives are. What are your options? What are the next steps? Have you got any contact numbers and information about referrals readily available should you need them?

Communicating With Your Child

These tips are recommended for when a young person is heavily involved in substance use:

• Keep lines of communication open so that the child stays connected. Don’t alienate and scapegoat
• Understand that no one is immune to substance use. In an open and calm manner, ask about their drug use, in terms of what they like and don’t like about drugs
• Set boundaries. Become approachable and available to talk about anything, reassuring you love them, but explaining that a certain level of respect is expected by you
• Analyse whether there is a real commitment from your child to terminate their drug use
• Negotiate and listen. Then agree on appropriate guidelines in regards to their behaviour and yours
• Be able to separate the negative behaviour from the person you know and love, including speaking honestly about your fears for their safety
• Be willing to approach others and seek help and support
• Provide them with access to accurate information on drugs and other substances helping the person to make better and more informed decisions while accepting responsibility for their own actions